Well....I haven't posted here in almost forever..but i felt this would be the best place to write some things going through my head at the moment...Even if no one reads it..I'll be happy to just let it out...
I've been going back to the gym again...I'm back into my I'll never be good enough mode..because honestly I doubt I really ever will be satisfied with what I see in the mirror..nor will people around me be fully satisfied with what I look like or who I am...at least that's how I feel...
So I go to the gym every single morning..except on the weekends and that's only because I go out on the weekend and I'm too beat to wake up to go to the gym...they also have different hours on the weekend so I don't want to bother going later in the day...when it might be busy..I enjoy going when hardly anyone is in there..
Well now I'm just starting to ramble...
A lot has happened since the last time I wrote in this journal...way too much to write..I've had a failed relationship..had a few drinking binges..gained a lot of weight..lost a little weight..but luckily I've still held the same job this entire time..we all know my 3 year rule. That also counts for jobs!
Well I know I'll never be enough...but oh well...I can only be me...take it or fuck you..

So I have issues going to peoples homes..Not that Id on't want to be socialable i just get anxious. So I feel bad right now because my boss invited me to dinner and I declined..I mean it's my boss for one and I just don't like being in homes I've never been in before..Did it once and I am fearful of it for the rest of my life...I have issues and I feel terrible for people to think i'm a hermit...*sighs* I feel like crap. Now on monday when I have to look at my boss who wasted her time cooking and cleaning for us I feel horrible...I just wish I knew how to explain how I felt about it.

Soooo..yesterday Taeme notices a leak..that is in our closet..So we don't have dressers really so all of our clothing is stuffed into duffle bags..I know I know..I just don't like shopping for furniture..
Back to the leak...It has soaked everything in the closet. Taeme goes to the closet can clears it all out so that we can take care of the clothes today. It's pretty important to get these clothes washed and dried or it's going to smell.. So I looked at my schedule thinking I had to work 11-7. Well that was wrong. I actually work 12-8. Damn...
So I tell the pharmacist I really need to leave early so that I can get the leak issue under control...So basically she just looked at me..WTF?!?!
What I don't understand is that people can call out becuase they feel like they might possibly under the right circumstances vomit..while I have a serious issue and can't leave just 2-3 hours early...Okay I'm done whining..

Well...I'm back in San Antonio and working at a job I love, in a relationship that is pretty darn awesome but I'm still so confused...I don't know what I'm confused about...or why I'm so bothered sometimes..I'm just stuck wondering if my future is here...is my future the job I work everyday...am I living to my true potential? Am I doing what seriously makes me happy or am I just working the job that pays bills...Have I turned into my mother.??
I need to make sure that I'm really living my life to the fullest and sadly I don't feel that I am. I think in a lot of ways I've been taking it safe. I guess on the other hand I don't really know what I'm capable of because I quit a lot of things that I start.
I'm too scared to play in anyway but safe right now...

So after we returned home from the hospital..there was a note on our door stating "DUE TO A SERVER LEAK,WATER WILL BE OFF FROM 9-5,SORRY FOR ANY INCONVIENCE. Okay we read it...and look at our watches..*because for some goofball reason, I believe this letter is for today* Our watch says like 6:30 soo I'm stoked *yay* Meanwhile...life goes on we drink we laugh we have fun until the early hours of the morning...
*Next Morning*
*Tired Xenie*
*NO WATER*
So now I'm all discombobulated...good thing I didn't have any serious plans today....

I know that emergency means URGENT HELP ME!! Sooo why is it in an emergency room you can sit there for 5+ hours. *sigh* OH well we got everything taken care that needed to be checked out but still..I feel that next time I know I need to go to the emergency room for something I'm going to pay a crackhead to wait in my place until my name comes up. Thank goodness for the DS or I would have been driven absolutely crazy..I had weird men grunting next to me..and everyone was staring....I feel kinda scarred but I'll be okay.
Next subject. I went to Petco and bought Miyu *my new kitten* some pet toys and she loves them!! MEGA MUCH!! I'll post pictures later. Well until next time.....

Well the move is finished I'm back in San Antonio and I know that I will be here for AWHILE!! I don't know if I'm excited fully about this yet. I really planned for my next move to be out of this state, but we will see I guess. I have planned a small vacation in North Carolina and one in Colorado for a dear friends wedding but other than that I just plan to work and work some more. And Of course go to some conventions since they have like a million of them going on in Texas. Well I need to get some home shopping done so until next time.

Finally! Tae and I have a whole weekend off and we are so excited...We don't have anything dangerous planned but just like scooby and the gang we are sure to having something happen...and due to my extreme scooby knowledge..and of nancy drew...we can handle it!!

That was my question last night while we watched a movie...To which she replied...No because yoiu would be in jail...because you can't run...and the cops would catch you...
Then i said...no they wouldn't...i would have a super fast cart to ride in ....yea..it was kinda late...
I love pillow talk...hahahah

So true...but at least I know I was trying right...^_~ I'll write more later..